Three Kids, Three Families, and a Real-Life Fairy Tale.

The following story was witnessed and written by Hava White, a social worker at Parents by Choice:

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Everyone wants to be part of a fairy tale. And usually the “foster care fairy tale” ends with adoption, but is adoption the only outcome that is “permanent?” Is adoption the only fairy tale?

Many foster parents become attached to their foster children even though they know that our primary goals in foster care are to keep children safe and to reunite families. Foster care, by its very definition, is temporary. For those of you who have felt or are feeling these conflicting emotions, I encourage you to read this story and to open your heart and your perspective. This is a story that reminds us of why we do what we do. This is a story about lasting relationships, permanency and love. This is a story…about reunification.

Destiny. She was the first of her sisters to be placed into foster care when she was only a few days old. Coming directly from the hospital, she quickly became a very special member of Dale and Donna Barton’s family. Her smiles and her sweet personality attracted all who noticed. The Bartons began taking Destiny to visit with her birth mother every week, and soon a relationship blossomed between the Bartons and Destiny’s birth mother. It became apparent that the Bartons and Destiny’s birth mother had begun to work together towards reuniting her with her daughter.

Approximately six months after Destiny was placed, her two older sisters who had been living with another family member were placed with the Bartons as well. Five year-old Desiree was outgoing, spunky and silly. Seven year-old Mariah was intelligent, intuitive, and part of the G.A.T.E. program at her school. Thanks to the Bartons and their Parents by Choice social worker, the girls were able to remain at the same school. They had the same teachers and the same friends. Soon, all three girls became like the Bartons own grandchildren. They started attending church with the Bartons and became a part of a youth program. Soon after that, their birth mother was also invited to attend their church. This sounds like the perfect story doesn’t it? But then life threw a curveball.

Approximately five months after all three girls were together in their home, and almost a year after Destiny had been with them, the Bartons had a life-changing event occur. Donna Barton suffered a massive stroke.

With three little ones to care for, and a lasting bond that had already been established, a decision had to be made about the fate of these three girls. Aside from her birth mother, the Bartons were the only other parents Destiny knew. But with Donna’s condition, the Bartons could no longer care for all three girls. What would happen? How could the sisters stay together?
At this moment in time in our story, a young married couple named Brandon and Shelley Lake had been working on becoming foster parents for about a year. At this exact moment in time, things fell into place for them and their certification became complete…at the exact time we needed to find a more permanent home for the girls. And the icing on the cake? Shelley was a teacher at a Christian school directly across the street from where Mariah and Desiree attended school. The two older girls could attend the same school and keep their same school friends!
It was decided that Destiny would remain with the Bartons. Dale proved to be a warrior during this time: caring for both Destiny and Donna. Every Wednesday, the two older girls attended church with the Barton family.

In addition, all three girls also continued seeing their mother every weekend. A decision was finally made that Destiny would be reunited with her mother, followed by the older girls several months later.

This decision was bittersweet for the Bartons. Destiny had lived with the Bartons for all of her fifteen months of life, and they loved her with all of their hearts. But they also knew her mother loved her and had been working hard to have her girls returned to her. The Bartons had to endure a loss of their own when Destiny reunited with her mother.

Meanwhile, Brandon and Shelley Lake discovered that they were expecting their first child. Both Mariah and Desiree were excited about the new baby and argued over who would get to share their room with her.

Exactly one month shy of one year after Desiree and Mariah had been living with the Lakes and a year and a half after being placed into foster care, the girls were finally reunited with their mother and younger sister. The Lakes, similar to the Bartons, had mixed feelings about the girls leaving, but knew that they would be happy being with their mother and sister again.

To this day, Destiny, Mariah and Desiree and their mother attend church with the Bartons every week. They regularly spend time with the Lakes, and have met their long awaited foster sister Hannah Christine Lake. So you see, sometimes fairy tales can sneak up on you. While the Bartons and Lakes were busy living and loving, they created a permanent relationship with three beautiful little girls and their grateful mom. A relationship that has established a lasting tie and will build the girls’ self-esteem and confidence in the future.

Our choice to enter the world of foster care: as parents, social workers or volunteers, can subject our own hearts to loss. But in the loving, living, losing and gaining, we might stop and realize that we’ve just been part of an honest-to-goodness fairy tale.